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Monday, November 2, 2009

'leave it to me, everything will be all right'... here's hoping

Not to sound like a broken record, however the constant pain is getting tiresome. EVERYTHING seems to cause a different headache.

Fortunately I now have time to rest, however my body isn't used to it yet. Believe me, I have every desire & motivation to do whatever I can to heal properly. Vision is SUCH an important part of my life; I don't want to lose it!

Recently I started altering my daily routine to accommodate wearing a contact lens in my new eye for a few hours a day. Since my eye is still inflamed internally (my schedule didn't permit me to rest much & my eye hasn't healed yet), I'm still taking my steroid eye drops, which means if I put in a drop, I have to wait about 4 hours before putting in a contact. Wearing a lens after so many weeks of being legally blind causes major headaches in it's own right. I'm going on Wednesday to UCSF to see Patrick Casey, OD, to be fitted for another new contact which will likely have a new script.

The new addition of wearing a contact a few hours a day is a trip. It's as if I can feel my brain re-wiring itself when I first put it in. It feels as if someone is stirring my brain with a wooden spoon. I don't recommend it. :-(

This means that I have about four distinct (major) headaches a day. I'm without a lens when I first awake & put a drop in (Major Headache I). Then four hours later-ish I put the contact in the new eye (Major Headache II). After a few hours the eye strain takes a toll & I have to remove the new lens & put a drop in (Major Headache III). After a couple hours of adjustment, I get another headache with no lenses at all (Major Headache IV). Tonight I made the mistake of putting on my eye glasses at bedtime. Note to self: Never Again! That pain is so excruciating that I want to cry. In fact I started to cry, and decided to 'use my words' to work thru it instead.

My surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD, recommends that I see a neurologist. The brain re-wires itself to accommodate vision, so the headaches are caused primarily by the brain trying to interpret what it is (or isn't) 'seeing'.

My physician, Robert J. Bartz, MD, doesn't want to put me on heavier narcotics, as he's concerned I could get addicted to them & then we'd have a different issue to deal with. This means I'm trying my best to tackle the 'breakthrough pain' with two vicodin when it occurs.

On the one hand, I feel very positive & determined to rest & take good care of myself in order to heal. On the other hand, if you're getting remotely tired of hearing about this saga, imagine how tedious it is to be living it! I wish I could just scoop the eye out, or take my head off, the pain is awful! As much as I dislike the idea, I may need to break out an eye patch for when I don't have a lens in my new eye. At least I have stylish ones! ;-)

Guess I'm feeling a little discouraged and wish someone could just tell me 'everything will be all right'. Instead I'll listen to Mark Kozelek sing it...

All Mixed Up
Written by Ric Ocasek
Performed by Red House Painters


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