Today is a new day.
I'm going to go enjoy my life. Narcotics in-hand, pain be damned!
Onward & Upward!
* * * * * * *
'Not Now'
Performed by Little Boots
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juYL4axXyZQ
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Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
'leave it to me, everything will be all right'... here's hoping
Not to sound like a broken record, however the constant pain is getting tiresome. EVERYTHING seems to cause a different headache.
Fortunately I now have time to rest, however my body isn't used to it yet. Believe me, I have every desire & motivation to do whatever I can to heal properly. Vision is SUCH an important part of my life; I don't want to lose it!
Recently I started altering my daily routine to accommodate wearing a contact lens in my new eye for a few hours a day. Since my eye is still inflamed internally (my schedule didn't permit me to rest much & my eye hasn't healed yet), I'm still taking my steroid eye drops, which means if I put in a drop, I have to wait about 4 hours before putting in a contact. Wearing a lens after so many weeks of being legally blind causes major headaches in it's own right. I'm going on Wednesday to UCSF to see Patrick Casey, OD, to be fitted for another new contact which will likely have a new script.
The new addition of wearing a contact a few hours a day is a trip. It's as if I can feel my brain re-wiring itself when I first put it in. It feels as if someone is stirring my brain with a wooden spoon. I don't recommend it. :-(
This means that I have about four distinct (major) headaches a day. I'm without a lens when I first awake & put a drop in (Major Headache I). Then four hours later-ish I put the contact in the new eye (Major Headache II). After a few hours the eye strain takes a toll & I have to remove the new lens & put a drop in (Major Headache III). After a couple hours of adjustment, I get another headache with no lenses at all (Major Headache IV). Tonight I made the mistake of putting on my eye glasses at bedtime. Note to self: Never Again! That pain is so excruciating that I want to cry. In fact I started to cry, and decided to 'use my words' to work thru it instead.
My surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD, recommends that I see a neurologist. The brain re-wires itself to accommodate vision, so the headaches are caused primarily by the brain trying to interpret what it is (or isn't) 'seeing'.
My physician, Robert J. Bartz, MD, doesn't want to put me on heavier narcotics, as he's concerned I could get addicted to them & then we'd have a different issue to deal with. This means I'm trying my best to tackle the 'breakthrough pain' with two vicodin when it occurs.
On the one hand, I feel very positive & determined to rest & take good care of myself in order to heal. On the other hand, if you're getting remotely tired of hearing about this saga, imagine how tedious it is to be living it! I wish I could just scoop the eye out, or take my head off, the pain is awful! As much as I dislike the idea, I may need to break out an eye patch for when I don't have a lens in my new eye. At least I have stylish ones! ;-)
Guess I'm feeling a little discouraged and wish someone could just tell me 'everything will be all right'. Instead I'll listen to Mark Kozelek sing it...
All Mixed Up
Written by Ric Ocasek
Performed by Red House Painters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59ETuvo14is
Fortunately I now have time to rest, however my body isn't used to it yet. Believe me, I have every desire & motivation to do whatever I can to heal properly. Vision is SUCH an important part of my life; I don't want to lose it!
Recently I started altering my daily routine to accommodate wearing a contact lens in my new eye for a few hours a day. Since my eye is still inflamed internally (my schedule didn't permit me to rest much & my eye hasn't healed yet), I'm still taking my steroid eye drops, which means if I put in a drop, I have to wait about 4 hours before putting in a contact. Wearing a lens after so many weeks of being legally blind causes major headaches in it's own right. I'm going on Wednesday to UCSF to see Patrick Casey, OD, to be fitted for another new contact which will likely have a new script.
The new addition of wearing a contact a few hours a day is a trip. It's as if I can feel my brain re-wiring itself when I first put it in. It feels as if someone is stirring my brain with a wooden spoon. I don't recommend it. :-(
This means that I have about four distinct (major) headaches a day. I'm without a lens when I first awake & put a drop in (Major Headache I). Then four hours later-ish I put the contact in the new eye (Major Headache II). After a few hours the eye strain takes a toll & I have to remove the new lens & put a drop in (Major Headache III). After a couple hours of adjustment, I get another headache with no lenses at all (Major Headache IV). Tonight I made the mistake of putting on my eye glasses at bedtime. Note to self: Never Again! That pain is so excruciating that I want to cry. In fact I started to cry, and decided to 'use my words' to work thru it instead.
My surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD, recommends that I see a neurologist. The brain re-wires itself to accommodate vision, so the headaches are caused primarily by the brain trying to interpret what it is (or isn't) 'seeing'.
My physician, Robert J. Bartz, MD, doesn't want to put me on heavier narcotics, as he's concerned I could get addicted to them & then we'd have a different issue to deal with. This means I'm trying my best to tackle the 'breakthrough pain' with two vicodin when it occurs.
On the one hand, I feel very positive & determined to rest & take good care of myself in order to heal. On the other hand, if you're getting remotely tired of hearing about this saga, imagine how tedious it is to be living it! I wish I could just scoop the eye out, or take my head off, the pain is awful! As much as I dislike the idea, I may need to break out an eye patch for when I don't have a lens in my new eye. At least I have stylish ones! ;-)
Guess I'm feeling a little discouraged and wish someone could just tell me 'everything will be all right'. Instead I'll listen to Mark Kozelek sing it...
All Mixed Up
Written by Ric Ocasek
Performed by Red House Painters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59ETuvo14is
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
curse Sir Walter Raleigh (he was such a stupid git)
The painkillers made it possible for me to function until yesterday.
Despite being on 2 vidocin every 4 hours, the breakthru pain was SO bad yesterday that I broke down in tears & had to leave work.
Fortunately my wonderful friend, John Saul, was able to swing by the resort & give me a ride home.
I spoke with my prescribing physician, Robert J. Bartz, MD, and will be seeing him on Friday.
Today I went in to UCSF to see my surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD. He says my eye is 'coming along', however I still don't have a green light to wear a contact in my new eye until I'm off the steroid drops.
I know I need to sleep because I'm incredibly unhappy:
I'm SO tired of being in constant pain.
And I'm SO tired of people who feel it's okay to try and take their negative insecurities out on me. It's not okay to be a jerk, ever. I'm encountering too many people who are bitter, nasty, and small-minded, and I'm really sick of it. Just because I'm polite doesn't mean I'm not paying attention.
Thank goodness for my true friends. This is for you:
I'm So Tired, The Beatles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZf9ncOQ2xM
Despite being on 2 vidocin every 4 hours, the breakthru pain was SO bad yesterday that I broke down in tears & had to leave work.
Fortunately my wonderful friend, John Saul, was able to swing by the resort & give me a ride home.
I spoke with my prescribing physician, Robert J. Bartz, MD, and will be seeing him on Friday.
Today I went in to UCSF to see my surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD. He says my eye is 'coming along', however I still don't have a green light to wear a contact in my new eye until I'm off the steroid drops.
I know I need to sleep because I'm incredibly unhappy:
I'm SO tired of being in constant pain.
And I'm SO tired of people who feel it's okay to try and take their negative insecurities out on me. It's not okay to be a jerk, ever. I'm encountering too many people who are bitter, nasty, and small-minded, and I'm really sick of it. Just because I'm polite doesn't mean I'm not paying attention.
Thank goodness for my true friends. This is for you:
I'm So Tired, The Beatles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZf9ncOQ2xM
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
valley of the dolls
Today is sunny & pleasant. I just met with my GP, Robert J. Bartz, MD to discuss pain management. Thank goodness, because I've been in misery.
Last evening I was chatting on the phone with a friend when I was overcome with pain & had to get off the phone. It took what seemed like an eternity for a pain med to set-in & I was able to fall asleep. This morning I woke up with a different headache that continued to get worse as I started to move around.
So this morning Dr. Bartz prescribed an anti-inflammatory and a pain-killer, as well as something to help me sleep through the night.
Today I'm taking it easy, which feels good because I'm exhausted. It's my hope that the pain medications will help me get through the next month or two until my new eye heals & I can see again.
Until then I see a nap in my near future...
Onward & upward!
Last evening I was chatting on the phone with a friend when I was overcome with pain & had to get off the phone. It took what seemed like an eternity for a pain med to set-in & I was able to fall asleep. This morning I woke up with a different headache that continued to get worse as I started to move around.
So this morning Dr. Bartz prescribed an anti-inflammatory and a pain-killer, as well as something to help me sleep through the night.
Today I'm taking it easy, which feels good because I'm exhausted. It's my hope that the pain medications will help me get through the next month or two until my new eye heals & I can see again.
Until then I see a nap in my near future...
Onward & upward!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
hello mystery!
The medical profession is wonderful! I have an appointment to meet with my general physician, Robert J Bartz, MD, this coming Wednesday to discuss pain management. My surgeon, Stephen D. McLeod, MD, recommended that I start with my GP to see if something can be done for the crippling headaches I'm currently enduring. Fortunately Dr. Bartz called-in a script for some pain killers to get me thru the next few days. What a relief. Painkillers certainly have some merit when you're in constant, severe pain. The side-effects of nausea are tolerable in light of getting some slight relief in pain. Feels like a miracle, especially considering I haven't used painkillers thru this entire surgical process! I'm exhausted, but even though I can feel the pain it's somewhat muted. I'm still having trouble sleeping due to too much pain, however I'm optimistic that I can hope to see a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel soon. Considering I have at least another 3-weeks of being legally blind in my new eye, even the idea of hope is good.
Music has been a great distraction through this whole process. (That, and dark chocolate, but I digress...) Right now I'm enjoying 'Black & Blue' by Miike Snow:
Black & Blue
performed by Miike Snow
http://tinyurl.com/m6byof
Black & Blue by Miike Snow
And I'm heading to take a nap...
Onward & upward!
Music has been a great distraction through this whole process. (That, and dark chocolate, but I digress...) Right now I'm enjoying 'Black & Blue' by Miike Snow:
Black & Blue
performed by Miike Snow
http://tinyurl.com/m6byof
Black & Blue by Miike Snow
And I'm heading to take a nap...
Onward & upward!
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